The actor-writer-director, who returns to Children’s Hospital as Jewy McJew Jew for the season five finale on Thursday, reveals to BuzzFeed many of his deepest, darkest secrets.
I Don't Drink

I gave it up cold turkey many years ago and haven't looked back. Now it's nothing more than the occasional glass of wine on a weekend. Maybe a beer or two with a friend during the week. A few martinis at home each night and/or in the mornings.
Mike Lawrie / Getty Images
Bradley Cooper Being Handsome Was My Idea

When I met him, he was ugly, short, fat and reeked like a rotting pumpkin. I told him he could be in Wet Hot American Summer if he upped his game, looks (and smell)-wise. The rest is history. Although he's still a little stinky.
I Design Bridesmaids Dresses

My spring collection is all about clean lines, muted gothic colors, angular flow, and a 'go for it' aesthetic that says, essentially, 'go for it.' I'm really having fun with little flashes of fun: stripes, satin fringes, and tiny pink swastikas.
Mark Davis / WireImage
"Football Field" Is The Only Unit Of Measurement I Use

I split my time between New York and L.A. so it's hard being 52,800 football fields away from my family. Luckily I can video chat with them - I have an iPad with a 1/370th football field size screen.
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